FYI: I’m a 16 year old girl
Does anyone know if it’s possible to be a "partial" psychopath? I think I might be one, but then I might just be exaggerating things. I read that psychopaths/sociopaths have no emotions or conscience and manipulate people. I do have emotions and a conscience, but sort of… inconsistently. Like for example I’m very close to my grandma, but my grandpa and I don’t really talk because he’d rather do woodworking in his basement. I recently learned that he has a kidney tumor, and I just… don’t care. I pretended to be sad about it, but I just don’t feel anything. If it was my grandma or one of my brothers I’d feel awful, but I don’t.
I just don’t seem to care about things if no one is watching. For example: if I have a cold and my mom tells me to use disposable plates, I only do it when she is around and switch to regular ones when she leaves. A few times I’ve wiped the floor with a family member’s clothes or face towels if there is nothing else around.
Also, I keep having these weird sexual fantasies about machinery and violence. It’s hard to explain. Even though I’m not very strong physically I have a pretty violent mind. When I was little I killed my pet bird (though I did feel guilty about it) and tortured insects and fish I caught in a lake. I also cut up all my toys. When I got to be too old for dolls, I started making paper airplanes and hacking at them with scissors.
I heard that psychopaths lie a lot and are manipulative. For me that’s partially true: I lie to people I don’t like or don’t care about, but feel kinda bad about lying to people who like me. I don’t lie to my dad or a teacher who likes me, but I constantly lie to my mom (who is really rude and sometimes abusive and probably bipolar). I don’t consciously manipulate people, but sometimes I find myself acting super sincere with teachers so they cut me some slack. Like if I ask, "Do I need a hall pass to go to the bathroom?" in a certain way, they let me go without being suspicious that I’ll go somewhere else. Even though I’m good with adults like that, I’m kinda awkward with people my own age. I just can’t think of witty comebacks fast enough, and if I talk to other teenagers who aren’t my friends for too long I just get sort of mentally exhausted. I do have friends, but not too many .More like a few close friends instead of a whole social group.
So do I sound like just a weird person, or kind of a "partial" psychopath?
Yes, you do seem to have some psycopathic tendencies. Not all psychopaths are evil though like the media likes to portray them, and they are much more common than people realize